Oh Wow, I
have a special treat for you today – the Oh So Hot Ms.
Cassandre Dayne is guest posting on WTF Monday. I’m excited about giving her the reins this
Monday because she inspires me to say WTF at least 2-3 times a day. Ok, so without
further ado, I give you the Wicked One -
Okay so the
very sexy Benjamin Russell asked if I would contribute and of course me being
me I said – you bet. Hey, I thought thinking up something for this would be
easy, but these kinds of questions are
tough and thought provoking – as they should be. Mondays are what they are – no
matter if you’re a business person or a writer – UGH. We all hate them. For
some reason people tend to race and run and have opinions and the emails flow
early.
So…I had to
think about this one for me. I talk to a lot of writers and non-writers and
when I’m penning certain pieces, I’ve realized something – people are still
unsure of certain sexual aspects. Okay. I can understand that. Sooo in thinking
about the WTF this week I went to a place where Jessie and Luke went – in case
you didn’t know…they are my characters from On Becoming His. This is a piece
both Ben and I worked on together. It’s an emotional journey for one woman
thinking about entering into a D/s lifestyle.
When Ben and
I were talking about this, we both realized that a lot of women seem to be
leaning toward wanting a man to either be controlling or more dominating at
least. We both kinda went – really? So I thought it begged the WTF questions.
The two best answers – one selected by me as coming from a sub’s perspective
and the other by Ben – as coming from a Dom/Domme perspective will win a copy
of Spankdown for one and On Becoming His as another so… Let’s get this party
rolling.
- Do you really think women want an equal relationship with a man and do you?
- Do you crave more of a D/s situation?
- Would you consider asking your current SO to consider a D/s – why or why not?
- Would you prefer a shift into this kind of lifestyle?
- What about this lifestyle either turns you on or off?
- What do you think this lifestyle really means?
So… a little
heated fun and remember – no answers are right or wrong, just answers… Let me
hear your thoughts.
Kisses
Cassandre
I want to give a SPECIAL THANKS to the delightfully wicked
and talented Ms. Cassandre Dayne
for being my featured guest this week. Cassandre
is an incredible author and she writes the kind of stories that men and women
all love to read. I am very appreciative of her support. Please click on the
embedded link in her name to LIKE her
on FaceBook.
If you’d like
to read an excerpt of On Becoming His – click on the embedded link. As Always – We Thank You for Your
Support.
1.) Yes, women want to be equals in the relationship—this isn’t the early 1900s!! Maybe not in ALL areas at once (Like I dominate the household, he’d dominate the family and the sex LoL) but I think a healthy relationship needs her to be liberated and in control of some aspect.
ReplyDelete2.) Yes, but not completely. I like sexually dominant males—for two reasons: A.) nothing makes me feel sexier/more desired than a man pinning me down (or against the wall) and having his way with me and B.) it kicks starts my semi-dominant/defiant personality and then it gets REALLY fun & frisky! Wrestling, fighting for dominance… *sigh* Not to mention I have A LOT on my plate all day long, and I like the idea of him taking over and my being along for the ride.
3.) I don’t have an S.O so I can’t answer that. But I’d have to be absolutely crazy about them and have been with him a while to trust him like that.
4.) No. My personality is one of co-dominance—I can be submissive or fully dominant for a little while but not long. I don’t enjoy being either full-time.
5.) The complete lack-of-control is both a turn-on and turn-off—But I couldn’t ever do it. I don’t follow directions well (anymore) ;) and saying “Sir” isn’t happening—I’m not in the military anymore! But it WOULD be nice for a man to drive it all in the name of MY pleasure! LoL
6.) Having never been a part of it I’d hazard to say that I think it’s about trust and the desire to please your partner. Since the Dom’s sole focus is to bring the sub to ecstasy unimaginable s/he’s obviously driven by the desire to please and must trust not only in his ability to do so, but that the sub trusts enough to allow it. While the sub trusts the Dom not to take advantage of them while in such a vulnerable state and also trust themselves NOT to stand in their own way and to be open to the experience.
Sorry--that was long! LoL
Hi Erika. I loved it was so long and so thorough and the thoughts are amazing. To each their own with the concept of the lifestyle and that's one reason I try and tell people - you really have to think about this and know what YOU want first or you're never going to be happy. So... you've won a copy of Spankdown -a sexier piece that's more about certain aspects of control versus the true D/s lifestyle. If you don't mind - email me at behalle@comcast.net with your email address and I'll get you a copy! Thank you so much
DeleteOh thank you and I love your thoughts on this. It's funny how women want so many things but remain uncertain how to ask. That's one reason I posted the questions. I want many things in a man and in a relationship but you first have to know and understand those within you.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDon't enter me in the contest since I already own the book. Wanted to say wonderful and thought provoking post.
ReplyDeleteQ1: I think some women do want an equal relationship on some level but a part of them want more either to be dominated or to dominate. For me I want both..Some equality and to be dominated.
Q2: I think that a D/s situation is an option. I consider myself more of the s in the D/s. But I also find myself drawn to the D side.
Q3: Well that currently doesn't apply since there is none...If I was in a relationship I would probably bring it up, but only if the person was right. This is not something to just do out of the blue.
Q4: Yes I would. I think this is why I'm drawn to both sides.
Q5: I think that the aspect of control and giving up control. The pleasure and trust. The deep connection that goes along with it. Knowing what you want and exactly how to get it.
Q6:I will say I've never been in a relationship like this, but will say that I think it is a deep connected trust, not just on a physical level but an emotional one and in some ways more.
Q1. I think its important for a woman to be able to voice her opinions and choices and not have them shot down or changed by a dominant male who controls every aspect of their relationship. In order for any relationship to work both parties need to be on equal footing in regards to what the other needs out of it. That being said, for me, some aspects are rightly under his total control :D
ReplyDeleteQ2. Yes. Searching out a dominant male is practically embedded in our genes for some! The kind of craving you have for someone to break down every wall you've ever built and still hold your trust takes someone with exceptional care and patience. Who the hell doesn't want that?!
Q3. No SO to refer to on this one but it would absolutely be a discussion we would have...simply because this is an important aspect of my life and something I cannot hide from the person I'm bringing into my life in a romantic sense.
Q4. Its strange when someone asks you that question and you immediately want to lie and say, 'Nope, he has his side of the bed and I have mine.'...but in reality I'd sleep wherever the hell he wanted me to as long as his chest was my pillow.
Q5. A D/s relationship allows for feelings of trust so deep you end up craving it like the most delicious drug on earth...but the healthy kind :D To give up contol over yourself and trust someone else not to hurt you or abuse that trust takes courage at first and all these emotions open you up to new experiences and sensations...addictive .
Q6. I think it means different things for different couples, depending on what they need out of their relationship. For me, its about pleasure, but that pleasure is achieved through absolute trust in my partner and the total belief that he will get us both where we need to be with attentive authority.
Thank you for the fabulous replies and I love the ideas and trust is vital for me as well. I don't think I could be a woman entering into the lifestyle if I didn't trust him implicitly. To that end I have selected you to be the winner of a copy of On Becoming His. If you don't mind, either let Ben know your email address or email me at behalle@comcast.net and I'll forward you a copy. Thank you so much for your answers!
DeleteThank you so much! I look forward to reading it :D
DeleteOh wow! Those are some amazing and thoughtful questions! Let's see about some answers...
ReplyDelete!). I *do* believe that women want equality in their relationships *to a degree*. I think that everyone wants the right to have certain expectations in a relationship: Honesty, Trusy, Faithfulness, and Safety of their body and their heart. However, I *do* believe that a significant portion of women, including myself, crave more of the traditional roles, as well. A more dominant man for the family, and in their bed.
2). I do crave more of a D/s relationship, leaning more towards domination than complete control. I am a very independent and willful woman, and I don't think that I would be willing to lose that part of myself. I enjoy having alpha males in my life. They are thrilling sexually, and I love a take-charge and quietly possessive traits in public and in the family. Nothing is worse to me than a spineless whimpy doormat of a man.
3). I don't currently have a SO. I am more of a casual, long-term relationship kind of woman for many reasons. When I am with a man I tend to cater to and 'spoil' them. I am a natural care-taker, and a 'closet' sub. and I tend to bend to their will...for the most part. :-P I would definitely ask a man to be more dominant in our relationship, but I don't think I could ever submit to a full D/s lifestyle.
4). I would love to find a relationship that I am both dominated and allowed to be myself. I never want to enter a relationship where I am controlled to the point of losing some precious aspects of myself..Been there, done that.
5). I love the 'old world' relationship dynamics. I have often longed to live in the 16-18oo's for many reasons. I am heavily drawn to the idea of being allowed, and even expected, to be a LADY, and get treated as such. To be able to be softly feminine, without being seen as weak. To have a man fiercely love and honor me, and demand the same in return. Don't stone me (:-P), but sometimes I think that with feminine equality we lost certain wonderful aspects of what makes being a woman so special and unique.
6). I think that this lifestyle appeals to, and means, different things depending on the individuals/couples. I am learning a lot more about the D/s world lately, and it would seem to me that the TRUE D/s relationships are based on Total Trust, Honesty, Pleasure, and Control. I can certainly see the attractive qualities that draws people into this world.
Thanks for letting me share my opinions!! I look forward to the next post.